As a Parent Advocate I believe in keeping parents informed and up to date on today's teens the the issues they face.
I have recently launched two new websites to bring you more information on the following subjects:Teen Suicide and Teen Criminal Mischief
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Parents Universal Resource Experts & Sue Scheff: Responding to Lies from Psych Central by Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D
I’ve always found it useful to remember that, from a child’s perspective, a lie is simply the best solution to a problem that he can come up with at that moment. The real challenge for the parents of chronic liars isn’t spotting the lies, but finding the underlying issues and helping the child learn different and more appropriate responses. Here are some ideas that may help:
Ask yourself if you’ve giving your child permission to tell the truth. Remember that children most often lie to avoid punishment. What does your child think you’ll do if he tells you what really happened?
Even though, as adults, we can’t be forced to testify against ourselves in a court of law, we routinely ask our children to do just that. Children often tell psychologists and teachers that they felt guilty and wanted to tell their parents what they had done, but they saw that their parents were in a bad mood when they came home, and worried about the punishment they might receive if they didn’t lie.
One way to encourage your children to tell you the truth is to focus your responses on their specific behaviors (breaking that heirloom vase) rather than on their characters (”You never listen to me when I tell you not to play ball in the house!”). Give them a chance to make appropriate amends when they’ve done something wrong so that they don’t feel that they’ll be punished forever if they tell you the truth.
Look for patterns in lying as clues to what’s really going on. These patterns can be in the situations where children lie, as well as the content of those lies. For example, you should be more concerned if your child routinely lies in several settings, such as in school or with friends, as well as at home. A child who has problems with self-esteem is more likely to lie in a variety of situations, but a child who’s afraid of punishment will lie mostly to the people he’s afraid of.
Remember that lying is an act that involves at least two people, not just your child. If you want your child to stop lying to you, you’ll have to change as well. Ask yourself if your own patterns of lying have given your child the message that it’s all right for him to lie.
Have the restrictions you’ve placed on your children’s activities changed as they’re gotten older? For example, a child in late elementary school will want more control over how he spends his weekly allowance than younger children do. Let’s say that you don’t want him to “waste his money” on comic books. If you later ask him how he got the Spider Man comic that’s in his room, he’ll probably lie.
The most realistic solution to the problem is to let him buy the comics. This is an important way of recognizing that he’s growing up. Besides, buying comics is pretty innocuous and is probably even beneficial; it’s a much better choice than spending his allowance on cigarettes, alcohol, or illegal drugs — substances that are increasingly used by school-age children. Besides, kids are less likely to ask to do really outrageous things if you’ve allowed them to do at least a few semi-outrageous things.
Don’t tempt your child to lie. If you know your child forgot to feed the dog, don’t ask him if he did so. If your child begins by lying to you, don’t let him continue and dig himself in deeper. Instead, stop him and let him know that you know he’s lying.
Remember that it’s better to assume the role of an educator than the role of a police officer. Help your child learn how to accomplish what he wants without lying to do so. Show him how he might tell you the truth. (While this may be obvious to you, it may not be to him.) Explain that telling you what really happened offers him a chance to correct the situation at least partway. If all children learn is that they’ll be punished when you catch them lying, they’ll simply become better liars.
Dr. Lawrence Kutner is a nationally known clinical psychologist who teaches at Harvard Medical School, where he’s co-founder and co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. He’s the author of five books: Parent & Child: Getting Through to Each Other; Pregnancy and Your Baby’s First Year; Toddlers and Preschoolers; Your School-Age Child; and Making Sense of Your Teenager.
What's Related
Other articles by Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D
Anger Management
Finding Meaning in the Holidays and Christmas
About Family Therapy
Marriage Myth: Spouses Can’t Change
A Pocket Full of Gold
Why Children Lie
FAQs About Antisocial Personality Disorder
Understanding the Loss of Your Pet
Torture
Exercise Helps Keep Stress at Bay
Ask yourself if you’ve giving your child permission to tell the truth. Remember that children most often lie to avoid punishment. What does your child think you’ll do if he tells you what really happened?
Even though, as adults, we can’t be forced to testify against ourselves in a court of law, we routinely ask our children to do just that. Children often tell psychologists and teachers that they felt guilty and wanted to tell their parents what they had done, but they saw that their parents were in a bad mood when they came home, and worried about the punishment they might receive if they didn’t lie.
One way to encourage your children to tell you the truth is to focus your responses on their specific behaviors (breaking that heirloom vase) rather than on their characters (”You never listen to me when I tell you not to play ball in the house!”). Give them a chance to make appropriate amends when they’ve done something wrong so that they don’t feel that they’ll be punished forever if they tell you the truth.
Look for patterns in lying as clues to what’s really going on. These patterns can be in the situations where children lie, as well as the content of those lies. For example, you should be more concerned if your child routinely lies in several settings, such as in school or with friends, as well as at home. A child who has problems with self-esteem is more likely to lie in a variety of situations, but a child who’s afraid of punishment will lie mostly to the people he’s afraid of.
Remember that lying is an act that involves at least two people, not just your child. If you want your child to stop lying to you, you’ll have to change as well. Ask yourself if your own patterns of lying have given your child the message that it’s all right for him to lie.
Have the restrictions you’ve placed on your children’s activities changed as they’re gotten older? For example, a child in late elementary school will want more control over how he spends his weekly allowance than younger children do. Let’s say that you don’t want him to “waste his money” on comic books. If you later ask him how he got the Spider Man comic that’s in his room, he’ll probably lie.
The most realistic solution to the problem is to let him buy the comics. This is an important way of recognizing that he’s growing up. Besides, buying comics is pretty innocuous and is probably even beneficial; it’s a much better choice than spending his allowance on cigarettes, alcohol, or illegal drugs — substances that are increasingly used by school-age children. Besides, kids are less likely to ask to do really outrageous things if you’ve allowed them to do at least a few semi-outrageous things.
Don’t tempt your child to lie. If you know your child forgot to feed the dog, don’t ask him if he did so. If your child begins by lying to you, don’t let him continue and dig himself in deeper. Instead, stop him and let him know that you know he’s lying.
Remember that it’s better to assume the role of an educator than the role of a police officer. Help your child learn how to accomplish what he wants without lying to do so. Show him how he might tell you the truth. (While this may be obvious to you, it may not be to him.) Explain that telling you what really happened offers him a chance to correct the situation at least partway. If all children learn is that they’ll be punished when you catch them lying, they’ll simply become better liars.
Dr. Lawrence Kutner is a nationally known clinical psychologist who teaches at Harvard Medical School, where he’s co-founder and co-director of the Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and Media. He’s the author of five books: Parent & Child: Getting Through to Each Other; Pregnancy and Your Baby’s First Year; Toddlers and Preschoolers; Your School-Age Child; and Making Sense of Your Teenager.
What's Related
Other articles by Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D
Anger Management
Finding Meaning in the Holidays and Christmas
About Family Therapy
Marriage Myth: Spouses Can’t Change
A Pocket Full of Gold
Why Children Lie
FAQs About Antisocial Personality Disorder
Understanding the Loss of Your Pet
Torture
Exercise Helps Keep Stress at Bay
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Parent's Universal Resource Experts Continuing to Help Families
At P.U.R.E. we have helped literally thousands of families over the years that are or were at their "wit's end!"
Creating parent awareness and helping parents to better understand today's teens can help you to have a better relationship with your children. We are our child's advocate!
Creating parent awareness and helping parents to better understand today's teens can help you to have a better relationship with your children. We are our child's advocate!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Sue Scheff: "Wit's End!"
So many parents contact us on a daily basis stating they have reached their "wit's end!"
Where do you go from here? You will see I have listed many avenues to travel and resources to review.
My book "Wit's End!" will not only give you hope and inspiration, it will offer sound advice from first hand experiences.
As the founder of Parent's Universal Resource Expert's - it has been amazing to see the thousands of families we have touched.
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Where do you go from here? You will see I have listed many avenues to travel and resources to review.
My book "Wit's End!" will not only give you hope and inspiration, it will offer sound advice from first hand experiences.
As the founder of Parent's Universal Resource Expert's - it has been amazing to see the thousands of families we have touched.
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sue Scheff Authors Wit's End!
On a daily basis I hear from parents that are struggling with their teens and pre-teens.
Most call when they have finally reached their wit's end! Since I have been there and back, I know from first hand experience the stress and frustration this can cause an entire family.
Visit http://www.witsendbook.com/ and http://www.helpyourteens.com/ for more information.
Most call when they have finally reached their wit's end! Since I have been there and back, I know from first hand experience the stress and frustration this can cause an entire family.
Visit http://www.witsendbook.com/ and http://www.helpyourteens.com/ for more information.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Wit's End! Book - coming soon
Soon you will be able to purchase "Wit's End!"
I hope many people will learn from my mistakes and gain from my knowledge. Struggling with a pre-teen and teen today can be frustrating, stressful and cause you a lot emotional turmoil.
This book was written with parents, guidance counselors, therapists and anyone that works with today's children. It will give you helpful resources through first hand experiences.
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
I hope many people will learn from my mistakes and gain from my knowledge. Struggling with a pre-teen and teen today can be frustrating, stressful and cause you a lot emotional turmoil.
This book was written with parents, guidance counselors, therapists and anyone that works with today's children. It will give you helpful resources through first hand experiences.
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
At Wit's End!
Are you at your wit's end?
Are you experiencing any of the following situations or feeling at a complete loss or a failure as a parent? You are not alone and by being a proactive parent you are taking the first step towards healing and bringing your family back together.
Is your teen escalating out of control?
Is your teen becoming more and more defiant and disrespectful?
Is your teen manipulative? Running your household?
Are you hostage in your own home by your teen’s negative behavior?
Is your teen angry, violent or have rage outbursts?
Is your teen rebellious, destructive and withdrawn towards the family?
Is your teen using drugs and/or alcohol?
Does your teen belong to a gang?
Do they frequently runaway or leave home for extended periods of time?
Has their appearance changed – piercing, tattoo’s, inappropriate clothing?
Has your teen stopped participating in sports, clubs, church and family functions? Have they become withdrawn from society?
Is your teen very intelligent yet not working up to their potential? Underachiever? Capable of doing the work yet not interested in education.
Is your teen sexually active?
Is your teen a good kid but making bad choices?
Undesirable peers? Is your teen a follower or a leader?
Low self esteem and low self worth?
Lack of motivation? Low energy?
Teen depression that leads to negative behavior?
Eating Disorders? Weight loss? Weight gain?
Self-Harm or Self Mutilation?
High School drop-out?
Suspended or Expelled from school?
Suicidal thoughts or attempts?
ADD/ADHD/LD issues that are not being addressed?
Is your teen involved in legal problems? Have they been arrested?
Conduct Disorder?
Does your teen steal?
Does your teen refuse to take accountability and always blame others for their mistakes?
Is your teen aggressive towards others or animals?
Do you feel hopeless, helpless and powerless over what options you have as a parent?
Does any of the above sound familiar? Many parents are at their wits end by the time they contact us, but the most important thing many need to know is you are not alone. There is help but the parent needs to be proactive and educate themselves in getting the right help.
Many try local therapy, which is always recommended, but in most cases, this is a very temporary band-aid to a more serious problem. One or two hours a week with a therapist is usually not enough to make the major changes that need to be done.
If you feel you are at your wits end, take a moment to review my website at http://www.helpyourteens.com/ or http://www.suescheff.org/ on Teen Depression which many times can be where the negative behavior is stemming from.
Finding the best school or program for your child is one of the most important steps a parent does. Remember, your child is not for sale – don’t get sucked into high pressure sales people, learn from my mistakes. Read my story at http://www.aparentstruestory.com/ for the mistakes I made that nearly destroyed my daughter.
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Are you experiencing any of the following situations or feeling at a complete loss or a failure as a parent? You are not alone and by being a proactive parent you are taking the first step towards healing and bringing your family back together.
Is your teen escalating out of control?
Is your teen becoming more and more defiant and disrespectful?
Is your teen manipulative? Running your household?
Are you hostage in your own home by your teen’s negative behavior?
Is your teen angry, violent or have rage outbursts?
Is your teen rebellious, destructive and withdrawn towards the family?
Is your teen using drugs and/or alcohol?
Does your teen belong to a gang?
Do they frequently runaway or leave home for extended periods of time?
Has their appearance changed – piercing, tattoo’s, inappropriate clothing?
Has your teen stopped participating in sports, clubs, church and family functions? Have they become withdrawn from society?
Is your teen very intelligent yet not working up to their potential? Underachiever? Capable of doing the work yet not interested in education.
Is your teen sexually active?
Is your teen a good kid but making bad choices?
Undesirable peers? Is your teen a follower or a leader?
Low self esteem and low self worth?
Lack of motivation? Low energy?
Teen depression that leads to negative behavior?
Eating Disorders? Weight loss? Weight gain?
Self-Harm or Self Mutilation?
High School drop-out?
Suspended or Expelled from school?
Suicidal thoughts or attempts?
ADD/ADHD/LD issues that are not being addressed?
Is your teen involved in legal problems? Have they been arrested?
Conduct Disorder?
Does your teen steal?
Does your teen refuse to take accountability and always blame others for their mistakes?
Is your teen aggressive towards others or animals?
Do you feel hopeless, helpless and powerless over what options you have as a parent?
Does any of the above sound familiar? Many parents are at their wits end by the time they contact us, but the most important thing many need to know is you are not alone. There is help but the parent needs to be proactive and educate themselves in getting the right help.
Many try local therapy, which is always recommended, but in most cases, this is a very temporary band-aid to a more serious problem. One or two hours a week with a therapist is usually not enough to make the major changes that need to be done.
If you feel you are at your wits end, take a moment to review my website at http://www.helpyourteens.com/ or http://www.suescheff.org/ on Teen Depression which many times can be where the negative behavior is stemming from.
Finding the best school or program for your child is one of the most important steps a parent does. Remember, your child is not for sale – don’t get sucked into high pressure sales people, learn from my mistakes. Read my story at http://www.aparentstruestory.com/ for the mistakes I made that nearly destroyed my daughter.
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Wit's End! By Sue Scheff
Are you at your wit's end?
By Sue Scheff
Are you experiencing any of the following situations or feeling at a complete loss or a failure as a parent? You are not alone and by being a proactive parent you are taking the first step towards healing and bringing your family back together.
Is your teen escalating out of control?
Is your teen becoming more and more defiant and disrespectful?
Is your teen manipulative? Running your household?
Are you hostage in your own home by your teen’s negative behavior?
Is your teen angry, violent or have rage outbursts?
Is your teen rebellious, destructive and withdrawn towards the family?
Is your teen using drugs and/or alcohol?
Does your teen belong to a gang?
Do they frequently runaway or leave home for extended periods of time?
Has their appearance changed – piercing, tattoo’s, inappropriate clothing?
Has your teen stopped participating in sports, clubs, church and family functions? Have they become withdrawn from society?
Is your teen very intelligent yet not working up to their potential? Underachiever? Capable of doing the work yet not interested in education.
Is your teen sexually active?
Is your teen a good kid but making bad choices?
Undesirable peers? Is your teen a follower or a leader?
Low self esteem and low self worth?
Lack of motivation? Low energy?
Teen depression that leads to negative behavior?
Eating Disorders? Weight loss? Weight gain?
Self-Harm or Self Mutilation?
High School drop-out?
Suspended or Expelled from school?
Suicidal thoughts or attempts?
ADD/ADHD/LD issues that are not being addressed?
Is your teen involved in legal problems? Have they been arrested?
Conduct Disorder?
Does your teen steal?
Does your teen refuse to take accountability and always blame others for their mistakes?
Is your teen aggressive towards others or animals?
Do you feel hopeless, helpless and powerless over what options you have as a parent?
Does any of the above sound familiar? Many parents are at their wits end by the time they contact us, but the most important thing many need to know is you are not alone. There is help but the parent needs to be proactive and educate themselves in getting the right help.
Many try local therapy, which is always recommended, but in most cases, this is a very temporary band-aid to a more serious problem. One or two hours a week with a therapist is usually not enough to make the major changes that need to be done.
If you feel you are at your wits end, take a moment to review my website at http://www.helpyourteens.com/ or http://www.suescheff.org/ on Teen Depression which many times can be where the negative behavior is stemming from.
Finding the best school or program for your child is one of the most important steps a parent does. Remember, your child is not for sale – don’t get sucked into high pressure sales people, learn from my mistakes. Read my story at http://www.aparentstruestory.com/ for the mistakes I made that nearly destroyed my daughter.
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
By Sue Scheff
Are you experiencing any of the following situations or feeling at a complete loss or a failure as a parent? You are not alone and by being a proactive parent you are taking the first step towards healing and bringing your family back together.
Is your teen escalating out of control?
Is your teen becoming more and more defiant and disrespectful?
Is your teen manipulative? Running your household?
Are you hostage in your own home by your teen’s negative behavior?
Is your teen angry, violent or have rage outbursts?
Is your teen rebellious, destructive and withdrawn towards the family?
Is your teen using drugs and/or alcohol?
Does your teen belong to a gang?
Do they frequently runaway or leave home for extended periods of time?
Has their appearance changed – piercing, tattoo’s, inappropriate clothing?
Has your teen stopped participating in sports, clubs, church and family functions? Have they become withdrawn from society?
Is your teen very intelligent yet not working up to their potential? Underachiever? Capable of doing the work yet not interested in education.
Is your teen sexually active?
Is your teen a good kid but making bad choices?
Undesirable peers? Is your teen a follower or a leader?
Low self esteem and low self worth?
Lack of motivation? Low energy?
Teen depression that leads to negative behavior?
Eating Disorders? Weight loss? Weight gain?
Self-Harm or Self Mutilation?
High School drop-out?
Suspended or Expelled from school?
Suicidal thoughts or attempts?
ADD/ADHD/LD issues that are not being addressed?
Is your teen involved in legal problems? Have they been arrested?
Conduct Disorder?
Does your teen steal?
Does your teen refuse to take accountability and always blame others for their mistakes?
Is your teen aggressive towards others or animals?
Do you feel hopeless, helpless and powerless over what options you have as a parent?
Does any of the above sound familiar? Many parents are at their wits end by the time they contact us, but the most important thing many need to know is you are not alone. There is help but the parent needs to be proactive and educate themselves in getting the right help.
Many try local therapy, which is always recommended, but in most cases, this is a very temporary band-aid to a more serious problem. One or two hours a week with a therapist is usually not enough to make the major changes that need to be done.
If you feel you are at your wits end, take a moment to review my website at http://www.helpyourteens.com/ or http://www.suescheff.org/ on Teen Depression which many times can be where the negative behavior is stemming from.
Finding the best school or program for your child is one of the most important steps a parent does. Remember, your child is not for sale – don’t get sucked into high pressure sales people, learn from my mistakes. Read my story at http://www.aparentstruestory.com/ for the mistakes I made that nearly destroyed my daughter.
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
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