Sue Scheff: Arguing with Teenagers: Don’t Take the Bait

I absolutely love this website for all parents and guardians raising kids. Not to mention educators that work with kids. This article is particularly interesting since I was a parent that took that bait! Oh, hindsight is great!

Source: PowerMomsUnite

It’s a popular phrase in my house: “Don’t take the bait.” We have variances on it including “don’t be a fish,” “some one is fishing,” and the most popular “looks like you’re going to land a big one.” With 5 kids in the house, several of who are close in age, they joke, tease, and well, see who can get a rise out of whom. A product of an only child family, I was deeply disturbed by this behavior when they were younger. I lecturing about home being a sanctuary and that no one was to be teased ever! I have come to accept that as a family with ADHD, and maybe every family has this to some degree- boredom breeds a little teasing/ poking/ fishing. The nature of the teasing has changed- due to my insistence that relationships be nurtured and that personal attacks are harmful- its rarely name calling or about a person’s attributes or personality- because that gets you in a time out and period of service for the offended- but rather the teasing is simply irksome prankish behavior designed to get your goat- like slowly delivering a fork to a sibling, as they wait at the table staring at a warm brownie covered in melting ice cream or getting in the bathroom before a sibling and then taking their time to brush their teeth as the time to leave for the bus approaches. I think every family with more than 1 child has something going on like this….

What I had not expected is to forget to take my own advice. Yesterday, my 13-year-old landed a big one- his mother. Amid a discussion about how he chose to react to sibling’s behavior, my 13-year-old erupted with the statement, “ Mom you always pick favorites- I know he is your favorite.” Before I knew it, I was defending my response to the sibling; instead of addressing the 13-year-old’s behavior. I became so angry that I walked away before I said something I did not mean. (While that is important to do when you feel out of control- it also ended the engagement.) It was masterful- he had managed to completely derail me, and escape reflection on his own behavior….

I had forgotten my golden rule of managing teenagers, prepare for being baited or having your buttons pushed. Don’t take the bait, always have your unemotional response ready to keep the conversation on track. On one of my better days I would have said, “ I am sorry you see it that way, you need to apologize to your brother for your part of the disagreement.” I would have repeated that statement regardless of what he said in response. Teenagers, and well any child will find your weak spot and exploit it, when they feel pinned into a corner. As parents it is our job to control our responses and be ready, even when we are not at our best.

After I cooled off, I circled back with my cool, “ I love you. You need to apologize to your brother for your part in the disagreement.” He stomped his feet and slammed a door- but he apologized to his brother and even added “what can we do to fix this between us- “ It ended in laughter between both brothers and as the 13 year old and I processed our disagreement later, we laughed at the big one he had landed.

Visit www.powermomunite.com for more information and leave comments! Do you have helpful tips? Take a moment to share with others.

Sue Scheff and Teen Help - Helping Parents

Are you a parent struggling with a teen today? Are you at your wit's end? Troubled by the defiance and negative behavior your teen is displaying? Lack respect for authority - for YOU -the parent?Know you are not alone!

Almost a decade ago I went the very same feelings of isolation, hostage to my own home and watching my good teen turn into a person I hardly recognized!Read the online story of A Parent's True Story.

I created P.U.R.E. (Parents' Universal Resource Experts, Inc.) in hopes of helping other parents learn from my mistakes and gain from my knowledge.I was almost silenced when the massive organization (WWASPS/Carolina Springs Academy) sued me - but I fought back and the truth prevailed. I won all legal actions!

When they lost on all counts including in the Supreme Court (I had a jury trial victory) my next hurdle was defeating the negative Internet Slander and Defamation.You see, when you can't defeat someone legally - the Internet has become the next legal lethal weapon.Again, I fought back - only this time I won an unprecedented jury verdict of damages for over $11M!

So, when you see ugly postings about me - twisted truths and outright lies, understand I will always have critics that don't agree with me as well as those that want to silence me or discredit me, but I continued to fight back and continued to be victorious on all counts.

Read Wit's End and look for my new book coming out in the fall of 2009 which will focus on this new legal lethal weapon.

Sue Scheff - Teen Help - Learn more

If you are debating residential therapy for your teen, learn more about this extremely daunting and confusing industry. Yes, you need to get help - but educate yourself first.

Learn more about Wit's End at http://www.witsendbook.com/ and author Sue Scheff at http://www.suescheff.com/ -the response has been overwhelming!

If you are struggling with your teen today - pick up Wit's End and learn more!

For a quick read, check out http://www.aparentstruestory.com/ - the foundation of Wit's End!

Sue Scheff: Parenting Blogs

"It's not enough in today's challenging world to just love our kids. We must give them the tools to be prepared to cope with life’s challenges in a caring and humane way. It's our job to give them the direction they need to avoid negative influences, and become successful, caring human beings. We all need to work together... educators, moms, dads, caretakers, communities... we all have a stake in helping our kids create a better world... as a mom of three, I've been there." – Dr. Michele Borba

Sue Scheff: Mom Blogs!

Recently I am noticing more and more parents are stepping up and talking about their issues, concerns, frustrations as well as sharing ideas and tips they have used in raising their children. All in all, it is about parents helping parents.Years ago when I struggled with my daughter, I felt so alone - and it was such a hush hush mentality. We were all so determined to prove our kids were nearly perfect! Oh, so smart and athletic or gifted and talented in some way. In today’s generation of raising children it is become more challenging.

Here are a few Blogs on Parenting that could help you help your child:

Van’s Mom - Exploring and dealing with an ADHD and ODD daughter.
Tangerine Times - Myrna’s parenting tips on the sweet and sour times of teens.
Phil’s Blog - Why physical education is so critical to children today in highly techy times.
Inhalant Abuse Blog - Parents educate other parents on the dangers of many home products.
Love Our Children Blog - Helping keep today’s children safe.
Sarah Maria’s Blog - Learning to increase your self image to make better choices. (For parents and teens!)
Lori Hanson’s Blog - Holistic solutions for a eating disorders.
ADD/ADHD Blog - ADDitude Magazine offers many parent Blogs on ADD/ADHD and more.
Safe Teen Driving Club - Learn more about teen driving safety tips.

Sue Scheff: Teens Skipping School - Teen Truancy

As second semester is open, the phones are ringing and the parents have a common thread, their teens are not going to school! Skipping classes and already talking about dropping out.

Truancy is a term used to describe any intentional unauthorized absence from compulsory schooling. Children in America today lose over five million days of their education each year through truancy. Often times they do this without the knowledge of their parents or school officials. In common usage the term typically refers to absences caused by students of their own free will, and usually does not refer to legitimate “excused” absences, such as ones related to a medical condition. It may also refer to students who attend school but do not go to classes. Because of this confusion many schools have their own definitions, and as such the exact meaning of the term itself will differ from school to school and district to district. In order to avoid or diminish confusion, many schools explicitly define the term and their particular usage thereof in the school’s handbook of policies and procedures. In many instances truancy is the term referring to an absence associated with the most brazen student irresponsibility and results in the greatest consequences.

Many educators view truancy as something much more far reaching than the immediate consequence that missed schooling has on a student’s education. Truancy may indicate more deeply embedded problems with the student, the education they are receiving, or both. Because of its traditional association with juvenile delinquency, truancy in some schools may result in an ineligibility to graduate or to receive credit for class attended, until the time lost to truancy is made up through a combination of detention, fines, or summer school. This can be especially troubling for a child, as failing school can lead to social impairment if the child is held back, economic impact if the child drops out or cannot continue his or her education, and emotional impact as the cycle of failure diminishes the adolescent’s self-esteem.

Read the causes here.

Parents Universal Resource Experts- Sue Scheff - Parenting Teens - Cutters

Self abuse (or self mutilation) can come in many forms; most commonly it is associated with cutting, hair pulling or bone breaking, but it can also manifest itself as eating disorders like bulimia, and/or anorexia. This site will focus mainly on cutting, which is the most common form of self abuse, with 72% of all self injurers choosing to do so by cutting themselves, and hair pulling. Cutting is exactly as it sounds; when your teen cuts him or herself as a physical expression to feel emotional pain. There are many reasons why teens injure themselves, but many people assume it’s just ‘for attention’. Often this can be an element of why your teen may be abusing him or her self, but just as often it can be something your teen does privately to express the emotional pain they feel inside. And while self injury is a taboo subject, it is estimated that 3 to 6 million Americans self injure themselves in some way, and that number is on the increase- in fact, its already doubled in the past three years.

Learn more - click here.

Sue Scheff - A Parent's True Story Lives On - Helping More and More Families

Are you a parent struggling with a teen today? Are you at your wit's end? Troubled by the defiance and negative behavior your teen is displaying? Lack respect for authority - for YOU -the parent? Know you are not alone!

Almost a decade ago I went the very same feelings of isolation, hostage to my own home and watching my good teen turn into a person I hardly recognized! Read the online story of A Parent's True Story.

I created P.U.R.E. (Parents' Universal Resource Experts, Inc.) in hopes of helping other parents learn from my mistakes and gain from my knowledge. I was almost silenced when the massive organization (WWASPS/Carolina Springs Academy) sued me - but I fought back and the truth prevailed. I won all legal actions!

When they lost on all counts including in the Supreme Court (I had a jury trial victory) my next hurdle was defeating the negative Internet Slander and Defamation. You see, when you can't defeat someone legally - the Internet has become the next legal lethal weapon.

Again, I fought back - only this time I won an unprecedented jury verdict of damages for over $11M!

So, when you see ugly postings about me - twisted truths and outright lies, understand I will always have critics that don't agree with me as well as those that want to silence me or discredit me, but I continued to fight back and continued to be victorious on all counts.

Read Wit's End and look for my new book coming out in the fall of 2009 which will focus on this new legal lethal weapon.

Sue Scheff: Parenting Teens - Wit's End!

Are you at your wit’s end?

Are you experiencing any of the following situations or feeling at a complete loss or a failure as a parent? You are not alone and by being a proactive parent you are taking the first step towards healing and bringing your family back together.

Is your teen escalating out of control?
Is your teen becoming more and more defiant and disrespectful?
Is your teen manipulative? Running your household?
Are you hostage in your own home by your teen’s negative behavior?
Is your teen angry, violent or rage outbursts?
Is your teen verbally abusive?
Is your teen rebellious, destructive and withdrawn?
Is your teen aggressive towards others or animals?
Is your teen using drugs and/or alcohol?
Does your teen belong to a gang?
Do they frequently runaway or leave home for extended periods of time?
Has their appearance changed – piercing, tattoo’s, inappropriate clothing?
Has your teen stopped participating in sports, clubs, church and family functions? Have they become withdrawn from society?
Is your teen very intelligent yet not working up to their potential? Underachiever? Capable of doing the work yet not interested in education.
Does he/she steal?
Is your teen sexually active?
Teen pregnancy?
Is your teen a good kid but making bad choices?
Undesirable peers? Is your teen a follower or a leader?
Low self esteem and low self worth?
Lack of motivation? Low energy?
Mood Swings? Anxiety?
Teen depression that leads to negative behavior?
Eating Disorders? Weight loss? Weight gain?
Self-Harm or Self Mutilation?
High School drop-out?
Suspended or Expelled from school?
Suicidal thoughts or attempts?
ADD/ADHD/LD/ODD?
Is your teen involved in legal problems? Have they been arrested?
Juvenile Delinquent?
Conduct Disorder?
Bipolar?
Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?

Does your teen refuse to take accountability and always blame others for their mistakes?

Do you feel hopeless, helpless and powerless over what options you have as a parent? Are you at your wit’s end?


Does any of the above sound familiar? Many parents are at their wit’s end by the time they contact us, but the most important thing many need to know is you are not alone. There is help but the parent needs to be proactive and educate themselves in getting the right help.



Many try local therapy, which is always recommended, but in most cases, this is a very temporary band-aid to a more serious problem. One or two hours a week with a therapist is usually not enough to make the major changes that need to be done.

If you feel you are at your wit’s end and are considering outside resources, please contact us. http://www.helpyourteens.com/free_information.shtml An informed parent is an educated parent and will better prepare to you to make the best decision for your child. It is critical not to place your child out of his/her element. In many cases placing a teen that is just starting to make bad choices into a hard core environment may cause more problems. Be prepared – do your homework.

Many parents are in denial and keep hoping and praying the situation is going to change. Unfortunately in many cases, the problems usually escalate without immediate attention. Don’t be parents in denial; be proactive in getting your teen the appropriate help they may need. Whether it is local therapy or outside the home assistance, be in command of the situation before it spirals out of control and you are at a place of desperation. At wit’s end is not a pleasant place to be, but so many of us have been there.

Finding the best school or program for your child is one of the most important steps a parent does. Remember, your child is not for sale – don’t get drawn into high pressure sales people, learn from my mistakes. Read my story at www.aparentstruestory.com for the mistakes I made that nearly destroyed my daughter.

In searching for schools and programs we look for the following:
· Helping Teens - not Harming them
· Building them up - not Breaking them down
· Positive and Nurturing Environments - not Punitive
· Family Involvement in Programs - not Isolation from the teen
· Protect Children - not Punish them

Sue Scheff: Parenting At Risk and Depressed Teens

It stems back to “children need to have their self-esteem built up to make good decisions.” Today most families are either single parent or both parents are working full time. This is not the fault of the teen, nor is it the fault of the parents. It is today’s world and we must try to find the middle. Troubled teens, rebellious teens, angry teens, problem teens, difficult teens, peer pressure, depressed teens; unfortunately are part of the society of adolescents today.Communication is always the first to go when people get busy. We have seen this over and over again. We have also experienced it and feel that our children shut us out; this can lead to difficult teens and teens with problems. Although we are tired and exhausted, along with the stress of today’s life, we need to stop and take a moment for our kids.

Talk and LISTEN to them. Ask lots of questions, get to know their friends and their friend’s parents, take part in their interests, be supportive if they are having a hard time, even if you can’t understand it; be there for them.This all sounds so easy and so simple, but take it from parents that have walked this path, it is not easy. When a parent works a full day, has stress from the job along with household chores, not to mention the bills, it is hard to find that moment. We are all guilty of neglect at one time or another after all, we are only human and can only do so much. We feel the exhaustion mounting watching our teens grow more out of control, yet we are too tired to address it.

Out of control teens can completely disrupt a family and cause marriages to break up as well as emotional breakdowns.We know many feel it is just a stage, and with some, it may be. However most times it does escalate to where we are today. Researching for help; Parents’ Universal Resource Experts is here for you, as we have been where you are today.

Do you have a difficult teen, struggling teen, defiant teen, out of control teen, rebellious teen, angry teen, depressed teen? Do you feel hopeless, at your wits end?

Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/.